Jessica Jeremiad ™

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That was much needed.

I have so much going on that I can't even begin to explain.
With love, and hate, and tool-bagishness,
with beginnings and endings and rocky roads,
and then I have to think of myself.

With no new beginnings or endings,
no love, no hate.
I try not to be tool-bagish or rocky.

There is so much going on around me that I am involved in that has nothing directly to do with me.
But I like to help, of course, so I help.
I like to give advice even if I'm not in a position to do so.
I want to help.
I want to give advice.
I try to know as much as I can, but I can't.

Everything is so chaotic, so crazy.
Maybe I should detach myself from everything for a little while.
Just go through the motions until it settles down.
I can't always be there to help people through, they will figure themselves out eventually...
Right?

Here's a sample of my novel (the one I'm writing.) I wanted to get some input on it, so if you guys could just leave me a comment telling me what you think, that'd be great! (Oh sorry about the size of the font, but hey! At least it's easy to read.)

“Okay, enough questions. Do you want to do something else?” I tried to get the subject away from answering his questions. I promised myself I would answer them another time, when I could prepare more.

“Sure. There’s nothing on TV though...” He winked at me, hinting slightly. I melted under his power over my emotions, and let myself fall over his lap.

“I could always ask you more questions.” I joked, and positioned myself on his lap so that we were closer and both comfortable. My body argued with my mind.

My mind told me to avoid getting myself in this situation, but my body craved his kiss. I hesitated, meeting his eyes, and leaned in, but he stopped me.

“Ray, we can slow down if you want, I don’t mind.” He offered, and I could tell from his tone he felt the same as me. I shook my head no, and leaned in further.

My lips met his, and his gentle grip slid around my waist. I slipped my hands around his neck and pulled him in tightly. It wasn’t too long before he pulled me on top of him on the couch, and our tongues danced within the confines of our two mouths. It was too soon before he pulled away and laughed.

“Okay, let’s take a break, babe.” I could see his plan working in his mind.

He would give me only a sample for now, and leave me wanting more, so that next time it would be even better because I’d be waiting for it.

Clever.

But I pulled him up, not wanting to give into his games, and gave him a quick peck on the lips. I could play his game, too. We went to grab our jackets and put our shoes on, deciding on a walk to the park and back. He held my hand protectively, and I felt safe.

When I was with Oliver now, nothing could break me. Nothing could break us. He made me feel calm, happy, secure, and beautiful. I learned a lot from his answers, more than I should have. But I trusted him, and trusted my feelings. I wondered if we were dating now. As if on cue, Oliver had the answers.

He stopped abruptly, turned to face me, and I looked around shyly. We were in the park now, just about to cross a bridge. “Ray, I know it’s only been a few weeks that I’ve known you, but I really like you. No, I love you. You can always make me smile and whenever I think of you I feel like I’m floating. Will you be my girlfriend?"

Here are my thoughts on this article interviewing Pete Wentz in Out Magazine:
http://www.out.com/detail.asp?page=1&id=23932

I'll list a few quotes and what I think of them.

“ ‘Don’t do that’? Now I’m just going to do that 10 times in a row.”
- I totally agree, I do that all the time just because it's human nature.

“The actual acceptance of gay marriage is inevitable,” he says. “It’s just like how the next generation of kids are going to all have tattoos.”
-I'm not getting a tattoo, that would be what's called a hyperbole.

It could be his view from the stage -- Fall Out Boy audiences skew toward teenage girls, and dudes who like mosh pits and teenage girls -- but Wentz shrugs off the idea that whatever bias remains will survive another generation.
-Now that's a bit funny ^_^

He says his liberal parents never shoved any particular politics down his throat, “except, like, Kenyan food.”
-Haha. I laughed inside at his comment.

and eventually left DePaul University a semester shy of a political science degree to play bass full-time.
-A SEMESTER SHY? You couldn't have waited a bit longer? There was money spent on that!

Even in radio-friendly major-label land they’ve hewn close to their do-it-yourself punk roots
-YES. That's what I wanted to hear.

“It is pretty gay,” Wentz easily agrees, grinning as we discuss how the crowd still sings right along.
-Then it's settled. We're good, we got that out of the way, let's move on.

And most recently? He actually apologizes before responding. “A long time ago,” he says with a slight wince. “Probably when I was 22?”
-Alright, everybody raise their hand who is over 22 and hasn't made out with a member of the same sex.

Maybe you’re a lesbian, I suggest, and he punches the air in triumph. “Yes!” he crows. “I’ve still got the cover!”
-All of this made me laugh out loud.

by people calling you ‘fag,’ and being like, ‘Yeah, I am a fag.’ Even though you’re not.
-Power to the people!!!

This article actually makes me love Pete even more. I don't know why exactly, but I'm like "Yes. He's a real person and he has actual feelings. I'm glad that you guys finally realized that and I don't see how anyone can get off on telling the public he's gay. Because it won't hurt him and it's not a big deal, even if he is gay."

There were a few more but I kind of passed them cause I got really into the article. I suggest reading it if you are even remotely interested in the what-nots of Pete Wentz.

*does little cheesy jump in the air and pauses*

I've officially started Summer vacation =] I have plenty yet nothing to do this summer. I am getting a job somewhere, getting fit (I call it "project: get fit"), and hanging out with friends. I want to have a great time but I just don't know why I'm so blue. I think it has something to do with a picture.



ughhh!!! They are so happy together. It makes me sad, cause I know it'll never happen to me. *Thinks of Dane Cook because he wants a talking monkey but he knows it'll never happen.*

Anyway, so there's that. But also, I want to get a job for some cash so I don't owe people money all the time. Yay bacon! And I have to have to have to have to hang out with Shirley.


I'm going to pick out some pictures to put in picture frames now. And then I'm off to do something productive?

*unpauses and lands*

(Hartford, I Call This Safety, Oceans, Sydney, Rosesdead)

Hey guys, so I'm at Shirley's and we just went to a wickd awesome show last night! It was frickin AMAAZAZINGGGG...

Hartford has realllllly great lyrics, I Call This Safety has great screaming, Oceans has a crazy ass vocalist who was like EVERYWHERE, Sydney is just fucking the best, I love them, and Rosesdead is great for moshing. It was Rosesdead's last time in Ottawa, so I felt kind of special about that part, and I pretty much hung out with Anto Boros for the rest of the night after he went offstage. WE SMILE THE SAME WAY! OMMGGG. Shirley and I made a new friend, Natasha, and Sydney dedicated a song to her! She was so excited. hehe Well I had so much fun but I'm goiing to wrap this up and do something else.

Hartford:
Ben singing.


I Call This Safety:
Guy screaming (man I feel bad for not knowing these names), and other guy playing guitar.



Oceans:
Ryan black screaming, and the guy with the amazing robot sweater.



Sydney *love*:
Scott posing for the camera, Anto playing, and Anto getting ready.



(but that's it cause I don't want to make this too long)

And I didn't get any Rosesdead pics, but again, like Shirley's blog here are some random pics of the night:


Shirley being so cute outside the Cafe


Me 'n' Anto (Ryan Black in the background)


Rosesdead playing from where I was.

Ciao luffly readers! Lots of lovee ^ 3 ^
Jessica Jeremiad

Well this journal is about a few things.
I found some rant/whine/blow-off-steam material!

1) People loved for no reason & life.
2) Boys & their stupidity.
3) Sickness & me.
4) Dress-up & fun.
5) Popularity & Buzznet.

1) Oh man, where do I start? All these good looking people everywhere with loads of friends and/or money (usually money brings friends). Or just the fact that they look more appealing than other people

Nevermind. This makes me too angry.

2) Boys! They are so stupid, clueless, confusing (shocker!), and just overall ... stupid! (For lack of better adjectives.) There is hardly a way to explain it, but my point is that you can't live with them, but somehow you can't live without them. Can someone explain to me how we continue to like them even after they crush us over and over and over again? Or after they forget important days or just don't understand us when we need them to? They screw us over constantly and yet we still need them? Dammit. Besides the fact that this guy doesn't understand that I don't want to be happy all the time and it is normal for me to look sad sometimes,  and the fact that I still haven't found someone that has a mutual like for me *lame*, and besides the fact that I have seen too many people break up and get together with new people in the past 4 weeks, I don't remember why I started this. Am I just jealous, overreacting, or am I right? I feel stupid now, but that's my thoughts. I know somehow I am right. Somehow.

3) I'm sick. I cough all the time, I've been sneezing more than usual, my nose is ticklish and plugged up, for a while there I was losing my voice, and before my thought got scratchy I felt like something was eating my stomach. Gross. I want to feel betterr. *goes to find some of that stuff Shirley recmommended, orange juice, and chicken noodle soup.* =]

4) I am currently dressed up like a girl in one of those 80's work out videos! It's actually for relay for life. Super duper excited. I'm wearing neon pink legwarmers, colourful tights (hopefully I can find my grey ones or buy blue ones), a blue bathing suit (one-piece), polka-dot arm warmers, colourful bracelets, *sneeze*, colourful necklace, blue sweater, blue headand, big pink hoop earrings, and if I was wearing shoes I'd be wearing my black and white high-tops!

5) Popularity and Buzznet. For this, all I'm going to say is: You should buzz/like/enjoy pictures for the actual pictures, not who they are by. Audrey (just the first person off the top of my head, sorry!) Kitching, for example, has a lot of pictures. I am not going to lie, I like some of them. But I mean comee onn, not all of her pictures should induce you to comment "I looove you Audrey, I love that slutty pose you're doing!" and buzz it. But don't listen to me, I'm a hypocrite and I would love it if people loved me.

That was my entirely pointless and unworthy of actually reading the whole thing rant. =] If you did read this far, congrats. You're not dead of boredom. If you somehow made it through, you might be confused. Don't worry, I confused myself just writing this! I changed my opinions halfway through.

Love forever and ever amen,
Jessica Jeremiad; <3 !

So I've gotten my first aid done. Listening to Sky Eats Airplane. Feeling pretty okay with myself, except my mom won't go buy me more cover up!! Dx Happy Mother's Day everyone!

Errrmmm, I need to put up more pictures, right? I'm trying to get settled in here as soon as I can. =] Lots of cool people for sure. Thanks a TON and a half Shirleyy!!

http://xshirleyx.buzznet.com/user/main/

Okay, so I better wrap this up and I'll find something to dish out later! (School tomorrow, blerggurgle.)

Air kisses over and over again until the air is sucked out of the atmosphere and I've literally loved you all to death. ^_^
Jessica Jeremiad

Hmm, so this is neat. Let me see what to discuss. Oh, I have something really big on my mind.

Have you ever seen something in a movie and never really thought it would actually happen to you? Good or bad. Well I know I always thought like that, even about those commercials about the people who say it. But then I went through something tonight and I was thinking about it and it reminded me so much of this one movie that I had to freak out inside. I try to forget things ever happen but it is really much harder to do than to say. I say this without really being able to tell you anything that happened, but I don't feel like even trying to explain anyway. I wish I could fast forward to good times right now. I need something good to happen. Please.

Anyway, that's my rant, see ya soon!
Xo - Jessica Jeremiad.